Being the 10th anniversary of the September 11th attacks today, a lot of people are discussing where they were and what they were doing when it all happened. Traditionally I have chosen not to speak in great detail about such a tragedy because I feel as though we have to move forward and live our lives to the fullest. Dwelling on a horrific moment from the past is no way to go about life. But since it is the 10th year anniversary, I figured I would share something. When the attacks took place, I happened to be in the midst of keeping a journal. It was my first semester at college and I had just moved to Nashville, TN, living in an apartment by myself. Here is my unedited journal entry from Tuesday, September 11, 2001:"My alarm went off at 8:30, but I of course didn’t move from the bed until 9:00. I dragged myself out of bed and turned on the TV as I usually do. I turned to the news since MTV was playing rap videos. Immediately I saw a helicopter shot of one of the World Trade Towers with a large fiery hole in it. I wasn’t going to hit the shower until I figured out what had happened. Apparently a plane had accidentally crashed into the tower. Wow! While the news anchors were talking about the crash, I saw a large airliner fly straight into the middle of the other World Trade Tower. I was shocked, as were the news anchors. It became obvious that this was a terrorist attack. I couldn’t believe what I just saw unfold on live television. I decided to quickly go take my shower. After I got out of the shower, the World Trade Towers were smoking heavily. As I was pouring a bowl of cereal, breaking news was mentioned that the Pentagon had been struck by another airliner. At this point I felt numb. My knees were actually quivering. It’s strange enough to wake up and see an airliner crash into a World Trade Tower on live TV, but the Pentagon under attack? I was almost in disbelief until they showed the cloud of smoke rising from the Pentagon in Washington D.C. I’d been down by the Pentagon before on the 8th grade D.C. trip I went on. I felt nervous and shocked. The defense center of our powerful country was attacked. The news began talking about everyone evacuating the World Trade Towers, the Pentagon, and the White House. I couldn’t eat my breakfast. It seemed like the country was falling apart and being destroyed right in front of my eyes. I’ve never felt so upset and insecure about my safety and the nation’s safety in my entire life. I felt shivers while the news developed. While the news anchors were talking, one of the World Trade Towers collapsed. Soon after, the other tower collapsed. I threw my Pop-Tart away because I immediately lost my appetite. I’ve never been to New York City, but I always see the 2 large towers in the downtown area. They are just something you associate with the image of New York City. Now they were nothing, but clouds of smoke. The whole event was incredibly mind-numbing to me. What was happening to our country?
I was forced to leave for class at 9:30. On the way to class I listened to the news on the radio. I still felt light-headed and numb. A plane flew low over my car. My heart raced for a quick moment. Every airport in the country was being shut down. While waiting for the teacher to arrive at my Elements of Film Lab, me and some other film dept. guys discussed the terror in the news. I was the only one of the group that saw the second plane collision on live television. When the lab started, our teacher told us that she had 3 good friends that worked in the World Trade Center. She was almost in tears. We turned on the radio and discussed the event during the entire 3-hour lab. Later, our teacher learned that one of her NYC friends stayed home with a migraine headache today. What an act of God for that person! My English Comp. teacher was too shocked to speak on the American disaster. We got out of class early, so I was heading home at around 3:15. I wanted to get home and watch "TRL" to see if they were still operating out of their Times Square studio despite the World Trade Center destruction.
I had 2 messages on my answering machine when I entered my apartment. I immediately turned on the TV. MTV was replaced by the face of Dan Rather of CBS News. I haven’t seen good ‘ol Dan since I was in Minnesota. For some odd reason, CBS is fuzzy on my TV. I can never get Dan. I flipped between Dan and CNN throughout the day. I checked the messages on my machine. The first one was from Nana, asking how I was doing. The second one was from Dad, also asking how I was doing. The mindset set-in that America has been emotionally affected at a wide scale from this tragedy. On the news they were showing footage of innocent people running from a large cloud of debris when the towers collapsed. The aftermath was a horrible sight. A section of downtown NYC had been obliterated. Dan put on a home video tape that showed the second airliner hitting the other tower from a different angle. CBS had not edited the sounds on the home video. People were yelling the “F” word and some other explicit language as the tower was hit. Women were screaming and crying. At that moment I began to feel extreme rage. The news mentioned that thousands of people had lost their lives. That number was more than I could comprehend. Dad called and we discussed the tragedy. After we hung up, I watched the news literally until midnight. I was almost brought to tears when the members of congress spontaneously began singing “God Bless America” together on the steps of the Capitol Building. I can’t believe this happened in our country. It hurt to watch the images of the devastation over and over again. People screaming, crying, cussing. I was broken inside and filled with fury and anger. I haven’t felt this bad about an event since the Columbine shooting about 2-years ago. It was so movie-like it was unbelievable. What are we going to do? What has happened to our great nation? I’m tired of this horror and violence. I want to see peace and love and coexistence. I can’t escape the reality of this great tragedy. Why can’t love shine over the entire world? Why must innocent people die? I was also almost brought to tears when Dan told of a man and women that jumped from the high floors of one of the towers, hand-in-hand. Why does this happen? Where is a world where love and peace exist? When will hate be ultimately defeated? I want to be safe. I want to be held tightly by a loved one. I don’t want this to happen anymore. I am ill from this. When I tried to call back Nana, I got a busy signal from my AT&T calling card number. This was the first direct physical effect of the devastation coming to me. When my calling card is tied up, that means that many others are calling to check on loved ones during this disaster. I was one of them. Eventually I got through to Granddaddy. He was upset by the attack, as he should be. I spoke to him for a while and then called Mom and Mike and talked to them for a while. My heart was held back over-the-phone. I was feeling so much pain inside, but I tried to block it and talk with my Mom. After I hung up, I fell silent. I kept the TV muted. I am upset and shocked. This will be a day I will never forget for as long as I live. When will there be safety, peace, and love?"
--Me (September 11, 2001)
In my entry for the following day I mentioned that I couldn't sleep that night because I could hear sirens and people screaming and crying in my head... I eventually visited New York City for the first time back in April of 2010. It is by far one of the most amazing places I have ever been. In the week I was there, no one ever spoke of 9/11. The over-priced NYC-themed merchandise in Times Square was a reflection of post-9/11 New York. There were no photos, artwork, or anything relating to the World Trade Center to be found. These people have obviously done their best to move on from those events. In the bedroom of the Manhattan apartment I was staying in was a black & white photo of the NYC skyline from the 1980s. It was the only image of the twin towers I had seen while there. At that moment a part of me was saddened that I never got a chance to see them in real life.
I still wish for what I had said about there being a world with peace and love. One of the many sad things to take place in the wake following the attack has been a hatred and intolerance for those of the Islamic faith. How on this great Earth do we ever expect to prevent tragedies such as the one on 9/11 if we continue to display hatred towards one another. Like it or not, we all share this wonderful planet and should do our best to co-exist with one another. Mahatma Gandhi said it best:
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
Say a prayer for all of those who lost loved ones on that day.
A photo I took from Central Park.
